Leave the hurt behind
by RandomlyBeingMe
Summary: Here is a fanfic a fiend of mine wrote an asked me to put up for her. As far as I know its a one of but don't quote me.  The plot: What if Meg hadn't done the unforgivable deed, how could it of ended then?
1. Chapter 1

Erik sat on the edge of the pier, tears in his eyes. He'd been so sure that Christine would be his now. He'd won the bet. Christine had sang, and gloriously too. The viscount had begun his journey back to France, left a note of farewell for Christine. Everything would be perfect from then on. He was so sure.  
And yet when Christine had read the note she'd gone after that drunken idiot, taking the boy- his son- to get him and bring him back. She'd looked miserable about it once they were back together at Phantasma. The way she looked at Erik when they all sat down together told him she loved him far more than she'd ever loved the viscount. But she'd meant it when she'd said there was no future for them. She was a married woman, and would not break her wedding vows.  
Erik had handed Raoul a wad of cash at least double enough to cover his gambling debts. Raoul had stared open-mouthed at him.  
"I don't understand. Christine sang."  
"Do you think I would let Christine and Gustave live in poverty?" Erik had snapped at him. "Much as I'd love to leave you to sink lower and lower into debt and a bottle, they deserve better. Use the extra money to make sure they're happy and taken care of."  
Raoul lowered his head. He knew Erik was right about him not thinking of his wife and the child. And in that moment he knew that for all Erik's dark past, Erik was a better man than him. He would never have hurt Christine that way. he'd proved that once before, all those ten long years ago when he'd given them their freedom, no matter how much it hurt to say goodbye to Christine. The Phantom had always given, while Raoul had only taken.  
"I do have one request," Erik had told both Christine and her husband. "I would like to offer Gustave a chance to stay here. I want to get to know him, and I feel I have that right."  
Christine nodded.  
"He's your son, Erik. I never did feel right about keeping him from you."  
So it was arranged. Of course, Erik would never separate Gustave from his mother. Christine would stay and continue to sing at the concert hall. Much as Erik hated it Raoul would be staying as well. Erik had warned him that if he ever so much as touched a drop of alcohol or deck of cards, even looked in the direction of a bar or casino he'd be worse than dead. So far the threat had worked. Erik kept very close watch to be sure.  
In some ways, if it weren't for getting to know Gustave, Erik would have hated this worse than not having Christine near at all. It was like all those years he'd spent teaching her to sing. There she was, so close, but an invisible barrier separating them. A mirror or a marriage, something always keeping them apart when they were so close it hurt. But at least this way he knew both she and Gustave were safe and taken care of.  
Gustave. Such an amazing child. He'd taken it much better than expected when he'd learned Erik was his real father. The child was able to look at Erik without the mask now, all his former fear gone, and with each day the two found more and more they had in common. They truly were kindred spirits.  
But each day was one more day of seeing Christine with her viscount as well. So that morning while Gustave slept Erik went down to the pier and tried to focus on something else, to have at least a few moments when his thoughts weren't on Christine.  
The solitude was broken when Meg came up dressed in a bathing suit.  
"Oh!" she gasped, surprised to see him. 'What are you doing here?"  
"Thinking," he answered briefly. It was the first time since they'd come to America that he'd actually spoken to her rather than merely responding to something she said and brushing her aside. That was enough to make Meg smile.  
"It's a good place to do that," she said. "What are you thinking about?"  
"I think I might be selling Phantasma, all but the concert hall. I'll sell it to Fleck, Squelch, and Gangle so they won't have to worry about someone cruel taking it over and mistreating them."  
"But- but this place was your dream!"  
He shook his head.  
"Being with Christine was my dream. This place was only the way to achieve that. I hated every moment of it."  
Meg burst out crying then.  
"All this, all everything everyone put into this place, it was all just so you could see her again?"  
Erik looked at her, confused. She turned back to him.  
"And what exactly am I supposed to do once Phantasma is sold?" she demanded.  
"I've thought about that too. Meg, there isn't going to be any more 'ooh la, la girl'."  
If possible her grief seemed to double.  
'But I can do better! I know I can! Please!"  
"That's exactly the problem," Erik said, still confused about why she was acting this way. "You can do better. You can do better than just performing for people who are there to watch your body rather than your dancing. Just like when people used to come to see me perform magic and sing just to have their senses of sight and sound satisfied. Not one of them really heard the music, appreciated art of any kind. That's part of the reason I hate this place. It reminds me too much of when I was-" He stopped.  
"You grew up in a freak show, didn't you?"  
Her mother must have told her how they met, Erik realized.  
"I don't want to talk about that." He sighed. 'That's the only thing about this place I'm glad of. Here the people society calls freaks can walk among men, be treated like people. Not kept in a ca-" Again he stopped himself. Meg got the feeling Erik did want to talk about it. It was painful, but it was like a wound that needed to be drained before it could heal. More importantly, he needed someone to help him heal. If he could leave the hurt behind he could be a much different person, see everything, including the incredible place he'd built, differently. Even so though, he'd never see her differently. Suddenly Meg was angry, furious. All the pain in her had to be released as well.  
"You stupid idiot!" She pushed him. "You complain about how unfair life was because you were always treated cruelly and nobody ever loved you, and yet when love looks you right in the face you turn your back on it!"  
Thinking she meant when he'd been too ashamed of what he was to stay with Christine, Erik's own anger rose.  
"When love looks me right in the face? How could love ever look me in the face!" He took off the mask, expecting the usual scream, but Meg didn't make a sound. Instead she froze only a moment before she reached out and touched the distorted flesh. Erik didn't know how to react. Her touch was much gentler than what he'd expected. He felt the heat rise in him and, feeling embarrassed, he put the mask back on and looked away.  
"Anyway, as I was going to say before, I don't intend to leave you and your mother without a way to survive. After all, dancers will be needed at the concert hall." he looked at her again. "You are a very talented dancer, Meg. Back in Paris you were the best dancer the Opera Populaire ever had, and I saw many dancers over the years. Your mother was the only one I ever saw who could equal you."  
The difference was like turning on a light. Mag looked like she felt- well, the way he'd felt that first time Christine had kissed him. Suddenly he realized he'd never complimented her before.  
"Meg, it wasn't because I think you don't have talent that I never watched you perform. I simply had no interest in the shows compared to- Well, and even without that, the music I wrote for it wasn't any good. When- when Christine and I parted, she took the music with her." He sighed. "Bathing Beauty- just garbage. Just cheap vaudeville trash. I used to be able to write better than that. But the music of the night is over."  
Meg felt like screaming. His thoughts were still on Christine. Always Christine!  
"What does it feel like? To look at her and know that no matter how deeply you love her she'll never be with you, that part of her heart will always be someone else's, and everything you've done for her doesn't matter in the least? What does it feel like?"  
She didn't say it- or rather scream it- as if she were trying to hurt him. She sounded like she was trying to make him see something. Erik looked at her and saw for the first time that every mention of Christine made her look exactly like he felt at the mention of the viscount. And that comment she'd made about turning away from love... Was she trying to tell him that she loved him? Impossible. Why would he mean anything to her? But that look on her face. How could he not have seen? He had hurt her the way Christine had hurt him. Whether he felt anything close to love for Meg or not he wouldn't wish that on her.  
She'd turned to look at the water now, and for the first time Erik saw how truly beautiful she was.  
"I never truly saw you before-" he whispered. "You are beautiful."  
She looked like she wanted to say something, but was too overwhelmed.  
'You know- swimming is a wonderful way to relieve the pain. It washes everything right away.' She said finally and tuned to him. "Come into the water?"  
He shook his head. "I don't own swimming trunks." His body was scarred from his childhood master's cruel whippings. He didn't like people seeing his body any more than he liked them seeing his face. But Meg had a wicked grin on her face. She wasn't taking no for an answer. The next thing Erik knew he was soaked to the bone with Meg in the water.  
"Margarete Giry you immature..." But to his surprise he found himself laughing and sending a big splash at Meg, which she returned. They playfully dunked and splashed each other for nearly half an hour before Erik stopped to think. He was actually having fun! For the first time in his life he was really having fun. And the music in his head was different now. Just as pure and unearthly, but he found that he could give it a voice now if he tried to.  
Slowly, he leaned in, his lips coming closer to Meg's. She didn't pull back. In fact she leaned in. Their lips met for the first time, but certainly not the last.


	2. Chapter 2

It would be nice to say that everything was perfect for everyone from then on, but life is almost never perfect. In the days that followed, as much as Erik had enjoyed the kiss he'd shared with Meg, he began to regret it. He still loved Christine. He always would. And it made him feel like he'd been unfaithful to her. He forced himself to remember that Christine had made her choice. She didn't have to go after that drunken fool. She could have let him go.  
No, she couldn't, he realized. She had come to him and they had shared an intimate night without being married, but other than that night Christine had always been a very religious girl, which of course had been what let her believe in the Angel of Music to begin with. He should have realized before ever making that bet that Christine would never divorce her husband, even if he was no longer the man she had known. It tore Erik's heart to see the way she looked at him every day, and to know it was his own fault for leaving after that night. He'd left her with no other choice.  
But still, there were moments when she looked at Raoul with what seemed to be love. Part of her did still love the vicomte, and always would. Could she love both men? Was it possible to love two people at once? And if it was possible, was he beginning to love Meg? Or was that only a moment of taking comfort in his loneliness? And what was he mentally beating himself for anyhow? It had been only a kiss.  
But a kiss had never been only a kiss to him. Christine kissing him that first time had changed his world, been a gift beyond anything he'd dreamed of. His face had condemned him to wallow in blood as well as be denied the joys of the flesh, at least until that night. Christine had been unable to see the man he was behind the face until then. He'd never forget when she'd unmasked him, how terrified she'd been. Gustave had been just as terrified that first time.  
Yet Meg had not screamed or been afraid, hadn't shrunken back in terror. She'd reacted the way he wished Christine would have from the beginning. And she seemed to love him sincerely. But did he love her? Could he? Christine would surely be hurt by it. And yet- if Christine was allowed to love two men, why should he not spend time with a different woman? It wasn't as if they were sharing an intimate relationship. And if it made someone else happy at the same time as it eased his loneliness, was it so wrong?  
Strangely enough it was Christine herself who brought up the subject on a walk they shared one day, Gustave playing in the mirror maze nearby.  
"Erik, we've been apart for so long. Have you ever wanted- I mean has anyone else ever made you think of falling in love again?"  
It wasn't an accusation, hadn't even sounded like one, but Erik felt so guilty that it felt like it.  
"Christine, you know I love you. I meant what the aria said. Love never dies."  
"I know. I feel the same way about you. But you know there is no future for us. I have Raoul, and- and he's trying Erik. He really is. I think he finally realizes just how bad his drinking and gambling has gotten." Erik tensed.  
"It's true," she continued, guessing what he was thinking. "It's so hard for him not to drink anymore, but he is trying now. And he needs me, Erik. The way you once did."  
"I still need you Christine!"  
"But you'll be all right now. You've made a life for yourself. Raoul- without me, he doesn't have much of a chance anymore. He has nohing left."  
Erik clenched his fists. "Is that what it was between you and I Christine? Pity?"  
"Of course not. I love you Erik. I always will. And in a different way I love Raoul as well. It isn't pity with him either. All these years- even with him becomming what he has I've always been glad that he was at least there when you- couldn't be."  
Erik mentally cursed himself. What wouldn't he give now to change that night so that he'd have stayed with her.  
"I had him at least, Erik. But- you've had no one. And you shouldn't be alone."  
Briefly Erik's thoughts turned to Meg.  
"So I suppose what I'm trying to say is, if you ever fall in love again, I would be happy for you. Don't spend your life wishing for a dream that can't be, darling."  
They finished their walk, and Erik somehow felt a need to see Meg once Christine and Gustave were back at their flat. Meg seemed to be floating on air with joy that he'd come to see her, and hurried to set up tea for them, doing all she could to impress him. They'd just sat down and Meg had barely nibbled at a sandwhich when she rushed to the bathroom and threw up. Erik rushed to hold her hair.  
"Meg are you all right? Here, let me get you something to rinse your mouth and then you should lay down."  
But Meg didn't look ill. She looked grief stricken.  
"No! No not this! Please!" She burst into tears and then without warning turned on Erik and started pounding his chest. "You! This is your fault!"  
"What are you talking about?" He grabbed her fists and her tears flowed heavier and she went hysterical.  
"I did it for your sake! All of this! Selling myself! In their laps! In their arms! In their BEDS!" She let herself be ill again and continued her hysterics as Erik watched and listened horrorstruck. "I helped raise the money, get the permits, bought favor with the press, persuaded the bill collectors to wait longer until Phantasma was making money. All for you! You never even noticed! And now-" She fell to her knees clutching her hand to her stomach, and Erik gasped. Meg wasn't ill. She was pregnant!  
"What do I do now?" She sobbed. "There's no future for a woman with a baby who doesn't have a husband!"  
"You'll have a husband."  
She looked up at him stiffling a sob.  
"What?"  
"Give me the blame for this if you want to, for not seeing the things that you've done. Meg I never would have allowed a man to touch you if I'd have known. I had no way to know what was going on. But after all you've been through I won't let you be shamed again. Marry me, Meg."  
She looked at him hopefully, then looked down.  
"I love you, Erik. I've dreamed of marrying you. But I didn't want it to be like this." She couldn't look him in the eye. "I know you love Christine."  
Erik sighed. "But Christine will never be my wife. I know that now. There is no reason for us not to marry. If we do it soon enough people will think the child is mine. No one need ever know the truth."  
"Mother will. This is her fault too. I did as she said and look what the result is."  
Erik wondered if his skill with the punjab lasso was as good as it always was. He was very tempted to try it out on Madame Giry now. They would definately have a little chat later. How could any parent hurt their child that way? Even though he'd never loved Meg, back in Paris he used to smile at her childlike innocence and gentleness. She'd reminded him of a little kitten. Now her innocence and pride as well as love had been robbed from her. He couldn't help feeling guilty even if it wasn't directly his fault. Yes, marrying her was the only way to help this situation. There was no other choice.  
"We don't know the result for sure yet," Erik reminded her. "I think we should see a doctor before we decide anything. If you are with child I can bribe him easily into keeping silent about it."  
Meg nodded without saying a word, getting uneasily to her feet and just clinging to Erik.  
  
Dr. Listler came out into the waiting room and looked at Erik.  
"Well?"  
"Miss Giry is definately carrying a child. I would guess she's about six weeks along."  
Erik groaned.  
"You are not the father, are you?" The doctor asked.  
"No I'm not, and I will pay you whatever you ask to keep this silent."  
The doctor shook his head.  
"You don't have to bribe me. I would not shame Miss Giry that way. I don't know the circumstances, but she isn't the first woman to be in trouble, and she won't be the last. I'll leave it to he who is without sin to cast the first stone, and I hope all goes well and she'll have a healthy child."  
Erik sighed in relief. "Thank you doctor. That means a lot. Meg's had a hard life recently. She doesn't need this on top of everything else. May I see her now?"  
The doctor nodded and Erik went in. Meg looked at him and could guess from his expression.  
"I was right wasn't I? I am pregnant?"  
"Yes. But it will be all right, Meg. Dr. Listler will keep it secret, and we'll be married and no one will ever know."  
All the way back to her flat Meg sobbed, and once they were there Erik laid her gently in bed, wanting to comfort her. He began to sing quietly, and as his voice had once entranced Christine, it now relaxed Meg. She was asleep soon, and Erik let her be while he went looking for her miserable excuse for a mother.  
  
"My little Meg!" Madame Giry gasped in horror.  
"Oh don''t act like you regret this. Save your breath and save your tears. This is your fault. What were you thinking! Turning your own daughter out for prostitution? Is that all Meg is supposed to be worth, whatever she can bring in from some man wanting a good time? She's a person Giry not something to be sold! You claim you felt sorry for me when you rescued me from that side show years ago, that you knew a person shouldn't be treated that way. Well did you think people using your daughter was any better than people gawking at me!"  
"We needed the money!"  
"I'd have found a way for us to survive if I'd have known things were that bad back then. There was no reason for this. And it's Meg who has to pay the price. I'll marry her, I'll be the one to set this right. You got me to notice Meg now, and I hope you're happy with how it happened. We've all changed from the people we were ten years ago, but the person- if you can be called that- that you are now is definately not an improvement on the decent person you were once." He threw a bag of money at her. "There. All that you care about. take it and use it to get a place far away from Meg and I."  
He opened the door to leave and nearly ran into Miss fleck.  
"Sir! Come quickly. Meg came by even though the season is over and shortly after I her come in I passed by her dressing room. It was like a tomb sir! So dark and empty, and she'd smashed her mirror. I saw her going down the hall all upset over something."  
What was going on? Erik couldn't help being afraid. In Meg's fragile state who knew what she might be thinking. Then suddenly he remembered how she felt about water.  
"I know where she is. But we'd better hurry. Who knows what she may do?'  
Erik hurried to the pier and nearly blacked out at what he saw. Meg was floating unconcious on the water.


	3. Chapter 3

Dr Listler came out and sighed.  
"She was very lucky. She'll make a full recover, and the baby will be fine."  
"Thank Heaven!" Christine gasped. She and Gustave had come once they heard about her old friend's misfortune. Of course they'd found out just why Meg had done what she had, but Christine would never condemn her friend. After all, had she not had a child by a man she was not married to herself? And no matter what she had become, Meg was still her sister, even if not by blood.  
"But the reason she did this is not gone," Erik said quietly. "She'll try this again unless-" there was one possibility. "Is she awake?" he asked the doctor.  
"Yes, she's come to. But I don't know how wise it would be for her to see anyone just now. She's an emotional wreck."  
"I have an idea that will help with that."  
The doctor shrugged helplessly. "Right now it's worth a try I suppose. I gave her something to calm her but it didn't do much good. Right now she needs all the love and support she can get."  
Erik went in, and Meg gave him a pathetic look.  
"The sea washes everything away," she said tearfully. "But it can't wash this away. Why did you save me Erik? You should have let me drown."  
"Meg you know I couldn't do that even if I didn't care about you so much. And there's no reason for you to have tried such a thing. It turns out the pregnancy test was wrong."  
Meg blinked.  
"Say that again?"  
"Your test was mixed up with another woman's. There is no baby, Meg."  
A lie. One that she'd realize the truth of soon. But it bought time for his origional plan to marry her before anyone learned the truth. With a little luck she too would believe the child was his. At the very least it would give her time to recover her emotional and mental stability, although at the moment she was crying again.  
"So I made a fool of myself for nothing?"  
"You got upset over nothing," Erik rephrased. "But don't worry about it now. Just relax. You need to make sure you're in good health for our wedding day."  
"Y- you still want to marry me? Even knowing what I've done? Even without having too?"  
"Meg I was falling for you already that first day we talked at the pier." Another lie, although if Erik were honest with himself perhaps it was only a partial lie. He pushed all such thoughts out of his mind though. "And remember I have not exactly lead a sinless life myself."  
Meg was crying happy tears this time though and flung her arms around him.  
"I love you, Erik."  
"I love you too, Meg." he hoped he sounded believable. Fortunately he was a very good actor.  
Now relaxed, the sedatives took full effect and Meg fell asleep again and Erik stepped out. Everyone had overheardand stood looking at him in shocked silence until Christine went over and kissed his cheek.  
"That was very noble of you Erik."  
"Believe me, I wish there were another way." The way he looked into her eyes told her how much he still wished she could be his.  
Christine sighed. "This happened for a reason Erik. Perhaps some good will come of it." She smiled. "I still believe in angels, you know. Maybe some guardian angel is making sure things turn out for the best."  
Erik didn't believe that, but he remained after everyone else had left even so. He may as well act the part of the loving husband, and it wasn't as if he didn't care. He could see so much of the pain he'd gone through in Meg. He knew exactly what madness loving someone who loved someone else could drive a person to. Even if he couldn't give her his heart completely, he could sympathise at least with that much. And with all she'd been through it was no wonder she'd seen death as the only way out, especially with an out of wedlock pregnancy.  
Could he deal with her borderline insanity when he was barely sane himself? Could he pretend to love her convincingly for the rest of their lives? And could he raise the child sucessfully? Again, the answer was the same as when he'd asked if he could go through with the sham of a wedding, and when he'd asked if he could survive knowing he and Christine could never be together. He'd have to.

The wedding was organized within the week. For anyone else such a thing would be impossible, but with enough money flashed around Erik had made sure the minister, rings, and flowers were taken care of quickly. He'd thought of composing some of the music for the ceremony now that the music in his head was back, but any time he tried to write a song of love he couldn't do it. Not in this rushed, forced attempt at a wedding. Was this how Christine had felt when he'd tried forcing her to marry him? How could she ever forgive him for making her feel what he felt now?  
In the ultimate, most painful irony, Christine would be Meg's matron of honor. Meg was overjoyed at their renewed friendship, a joy Christine seemed to share. Somehow it bothered Erik that Christine felt no jealousy over this. Of course she knew too there was nothing lost by this wedding that had not been lost already, and it was a quick, neat solution to everything. The most painless solution for everyone.  
The wedding march was starting and Meg walked toward him, escourted by Mr. Squelch since her father had died years ago. (Madame Giry was somewhere in attendence but keeping a low profile) Dr. Gangle was in place as Erik's best man, and Christine and Miss Fleck were both bridesmades, Raoul walking with Christine and a young man who had begun a quiet relationship with Miss Fleck after comming regularly to her shows was with her.  
Erik managed to give the necessary responses, smile, and look like a man in love. He meant the vows even if he didn't feel them. He would have Meg as his wife for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death did them part. He even kissed Meg's hand when he put the ring on her finger. When the minister pronounced them man and wife and it was time to kiss the bride, to Erik's surprise he found himself enjoying it as much as he had that first time. But then he couldn't help wondering how many other men had kissed her? Had their hands on her? Suddenly he felt the incredible need to track down each and every man who'd ever touched Meg and take them out of this life as painfully as possible. It couldn't be jealousy could it? No, it was only wanting justice for her, he told himself.  
At the dance following the wedding, Erik did not make any move to dance with Christine. So far today Meg had been the picture of happiness, and he would not ruin that for her. At least one of them should completely enjoy their wedding day. He'd never danced with a woman before, but his natural grace and feel for music made him a wonderful dancer. Meg was clearly born to dance, and they made wonderful partners on the dance floor. Against his will Erik was at least partially enjoying himself.  
When evening drew near, Erik and Meg had to leave to board a train. Erik had seen many honeymooners at Phantasma, but since he would be seeing that place every day for the rest of his life he wanted to go somewhere else on his honeymoon, and he and Meg had decided on Niagra Falls. They'd arrived too late to do any sightseeing, and simply signed into the hotel. Erik carried Meg across the doorway of their room, laying her gently on the bed. Meg looked at him sadly for some reason he couldn't understand.  
"What is it?"  
"I wish I could give you the gift a woman can only give once. I wish this was going to be my first time."  
Erik stroked her face comfortingly. "You gave it to another man for my sake, Meg." Again that burning need to choke the life out of every one of those men. He pushed it aside with difficulty. "So in that way you did give it to me. And I wish I'd have known what your mother asked you to do. I could have stopped it."  
"But it turned out well." Her smile came back. "We're together now."  
"Yes, we are." And he'd have to make the best of it. He'd once told Christine fear could turn to love. Perhaps someday the sympathy and pity he felt for Meg, the friendship that he'd started to feel for her, the enjoyment of having her in his life, perhaps that could turn to love given the chance. He promised himself he would make this marraige work.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Erik woke first and tried not to think about what he and Meg had shared the night before. It still felt like a betrayal to Christine. Yet why should it? Christine was a married woman now, and of course she'd known what would occur if Meg were to believe even for a time that the child was Erik's. And there was no denying he'd enjoyed the experience. No man would not have. Besides, Meg was his wife now, and there were certain things after all that married life meant sharing. And no doubts Christine and Raoul must have shared their moments as well. Now there was a thought that made him want to be ill.  
He shook his head. His first time with his wife, only the second time in his life being with a woman, and he hadn't even been able to let himself enjoy it without guilt or longings for what couldn't be. This was not the way to begin a marraige, and Meg deserved better, someone who loved her completely. Of all people why did she have to love him? The whole situation was insane. First the woman he loved did not love him, and then she had came to him and he had left her. Then ten years later he almost won her back only to find that she would not leave her husband who she would never have married in the first place if he hadn't left her. And to make the insanity even more mad, now a woman he had never paid attention to before loved him after a lifetime of thinking he'd never find love.  
Add in to that the fact that he had only just met his ten year old son who'd been raised believing the vicomte was his father. He couldn't be there for him before, couldn't change the wasted years. And now he would be there for a child he had no connection to when he hadn't been there for the one he had. It was making his head ache.  
The lie couldn't go on much longer, but hopefully he could make it last just long enough for it to be believable that he was the father. Maybe they'd be lucky enough for the baby to be carried just a bit past term so the dates wouldn't conflict too much. But then when had he ever been lucky? At least the morning sicknesss seemed to be tapering off and Meg had believed it when he doctor had told her that her feeling ill was most likely due to stress.  
Erik decided to stop trying to think and just order breakfast forn them, or rather for Meg since he was not hungry. By ordering for her he hoped he could avoid her eating anything likely to bring on morning sickness.  
The smell of food woke Meg and she yawned before smiling at Erik.  
"You ordered breakfast?"  
"I hope you don't mind that I didn't ask what you want."  
"As long s it's food I don't care. I'm starving this morning."  
After Meg had eaten her breakfast Erik offered her his too. Instead of wanting more breakfast though she asked if Erik could get them some chocolate. Erik suposed the cravings were beginning. She devoured the chocolate as if it were some rare exotic treat she'd never have the chance to taste again.  
Once they were dressed the two went out to enjoy the first complete day of their honeymoon. Erik was nervous about letting Meg go on the Maid of the mist boat tour, but she wanted to go so badly and as long as her morning sickness was under control there was no reason not to. Erik wasn't sure whether it was the pregnancy or the mist or just happiness that had Meg glowing so, but as they stood on the deck admiring the falls together Erik couldn't help thinking he'd never seen any sight so radiant, especially when in her happiness she did a graceful pirouette on the deck.  
"Oh Erik look!" whe gasped when she came out of the step, and Erik looked away from her in the direction she indicated. There in the mists was a perfect, brilliant rainbow, and beyond a sheer wall of pounding water. "It's perfect! Just so beautiful!"  
There was so much natural beauty to take in that it seemed they could stare forever and not take in everything, although Erik found himself looking at Meg nearly as much as the falls. Then his thoughts wondered to Christine and he felt the old wound open for a moment, wondering what it would be like to have her here with him instead. In an instant he reminded himself he was a married man now, and in his heart he knew he could no more betray Meg that Christine could betray Raoul now that the marraige vows had been said. All desire for Christine would have to be ignored.  
Meg and Erik took the tour of the Cave of the Winds behind the Bridal Veil fallafter their boat ride. The cave was called by that name for a reason, and the strong winds and downpouring water, while enjoyable and refreshing for anyone else, made keeping his mask and wig on extremely difficult for Erik. Erik heard their guide say that winds could reach sixty eight miles per hour underneath the falls. Luckily they avoided catastrophy and Erik managed to keep from losing the mask, but Erik silently promised himself he would not go on that particular tour again.  
"I'm sorry about that," Meg said when the tour was over.  
"It's not your fault. You should be able to have all the fun you like on your honeymoon."  
"It's your honeymoon too," she said softly. "I just didn't think. I'm so used to the idea of you just being a person I supose I forgot all about the mask and wig."  
Erik looked at her, suprised.  
"I think you must be the first person who's ever been able to see me completely and not even think about what the mask hides." If he were honest with himself, he had to admit even Christine had never been able to do that. Even on that night beneath a moonless sky, it had been the dark that had let her see him rather than his face, but he knew even then she'd probably never forget the mask completely.  
"That day when you forgot the mask under the opera- I think that day was when I began to fall in love with you."  
Another surprise.  
"Why?"  
"The inside of it- I could see tear stains on the inside. I knew then that you weren't just some- some-"  
"Monster?"  
She lowered her head. "Honestly yes, back in the beginning with all the talk of threats and cruelty I saw you that way. Never for your face though. You were just so intimidating. And Joseph Bouquet's talking didn't help."  
Now Erik lowered his head. He did regret the killings even if Bouquet had been a drunk who enjoyed peering at the undressing girls and had spread talk about him.  
"But after I saw the mask that way I realized just how human you are, how you must have been hurt in the past. And then I got thinking about how you'd pleaded for Christine's love when you were onstage together, and how much you must have loved her. I began to wish I could be loved like that. Later when I saw how you had to display yourself when we first came here- I felt like I had to do something to help. So- I- just did what little I could do."  
Erik was reeling slightly from all this. It was beginning to sink in just how much Meg had always cared and how unselfish she'd always been, giving all she had to give. Without realizing he was doing it, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. He thought of kissing her, but still could not do it without thinking of yet surely Christine knew that As Meg's husband he's be kissing her- more than kissing since it had to be possible for the child she carried to be his. And after all they had already shared a kiss. He placed his lips on hers then and she deepened the kiss, sighing happily. In that moment, Erik wished he could love Meg the way he loved Christine.  
  
Later that night, Erik couldn't sleep, so he went down to the hotel lobby. There was a grand piano there, and the music in his head was demanding to be played and put on paper. The strange thing was that it felt like it was meant for Meg, and his mind was on her the whole time he composed, the image of her dancing just impossible not to think of while hearing the music.  
With the guest rooms far enough from the lobby that no one would be woken up, Erik began to play. In a matter of half an hour Erik had the song the way he wanted it, and was going through it when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
"I woke up and noticed you were gone," she said softly. "I thought the piano down here might tempt you."  
He smiled at her.  
"I have been composing a song for you."  
"For me?" She looked at him as if she could not believe it.  
"No one else," he assured her. "There are no words. This is one of those songs that I think words would ruin. but I think you would enjoy dancing to it."  
He started playing again from the beginning, and Meg closed her eyes. Erik could tell she was letting the music move her, and she began to dance as she had not danced in years, as a ballerina instead of a showgirl. She was in her element, and Erik found she was as beautiful to watch as Christine was to hear. So graceful. Floating. She was being wasted as the ooh la la girl. Now he regretted not paying closer attention to her.  
When it was over Erik clapped for her and Meg blushed.  
"I'd forgotten what it felt like to dance that way. I didn't think I could still do it."  
"You'll be dancing that way more often," Erik promised. "The way you were meant to."  
That was of course if she still wanted to after the baby was born. It would be hard for her to get in shape to dance again, but it wasn't impossible. Putting an arm around her he lead her back to bed, and as they lay back down to try to sleep, he wondered again just how long before she realized the truth about the baby.

AN: The song Erik composes here would be Music Box Dancer, at least in my mind. It's a very beautiful and complex piano piece. It seemed to fit Meg well.  
you can hear it here, and I think you'll enjoy this chapter more if you listen to it:

.com/watch?v=9LRsYn9ufY0


	5. Chapter 5

Erik was nearly knocked backwards by a very excited Gustave when he and Meg returned.  
"Papa you're back!" The child hugged him and Erik hugged Gustave in return, smiling.  
"You missed me then?"  
"Very much, Papa. Did you have a nice trip?"  
"Yes. Someday we'll have to take a family trip back there together. I think you and your mother would love it."  
It was still so strange for Erik to think of himself as part of a family, but he was in fact a husband and father now, soon to be a father again. Christine, although not his wife, was still part of his family and Gustave's mother. He wasn't sure where the vicomte' place was in all this, but he knew that as long as Christine wasn't going anywhere neither was de Chagny.  
"That would be nice Papa, but I can't imagine any place I'd rather be than here. I've been so happy since comming here."  
"I'm glad, son." He'd missed Gustave terribly while he was gone, and it was wonderful beyond words to be called "Papa." Gustave had solved the problem of having two fathers rather nicely without any help. Raoul was "Father" and Erik was "Papa." For a child it was that simple, although all the adults were surprised that Gustave had been so quick to accept that his mother's husband was not his father in blood and was not troubled by it. He was just glad to have a father who loved and paid attention to him, who was never to busy (or drunk) to take time to play. Though, Erik could tell the child still loved Raoul as well. After all, he had been the only father he'd ever known for ten years.  
"Has everything been all right with everyone since Meg and I left?"  
Gustave knew what that secretly meant.  
"Yes, Papa. Father is much kinder than he used to be before we came here. He's home all the time now and not so angry at everything. Only- he stays shut up in his room sometimes and seems ill."  
The withdrawl, Erik guessed. Recovering from being an alcoholic was not easy. He would have deeply enjoyed knowing how the vicomte was suffering if not for the fact that it meant Christine was suffering too. At least when it was over Raoul would be more of a husband and less of a problem. At least, he hoped.  
Meg had stood back slightly letting father and son enjoy their reunion Gustave looked up and went over to her smiling.  
"It's good to see you again Aunt Meg," he said politely. He meant it too. Now that Meg and his mother were back in each other's lives and he was hearing what close friends they were he was glad to get to know Meg.  
"You too, Gustave. Have you been behaving yourself for your mother?"  
"He alway does," Christine said, and the two women embraced, everything like old times for them.  
"Oh Christine I have the most wonderful news! I think I had better let Erik know first though."  
Here it came, Erik thought. Meg must know by now that she was indeed pregnant. He prepared himself to act surprised and could see by Christine'e expression that she was doing the same.  
"What news would that be darling?" Erik put his arm around her. Meg whispered in his ear. He pulled back and grinned  
"You're certain, Meg?"  
She nodded and smiled and he pulled her close.  
"That's wonderful, darling." He knew at such a moment a husband would kiss their wife, and he did so. He felt so guilty about kissing her in front of Christine, but out of the corner of his eye he saw her smiling. Meg kissed him back and then turned joyfully to Christine and Gustave.  
"By this time next year Gustave will have a little brother or sister."  
"Oh Meg how perfect!" The two friends embraced again,  
Gustave had always wanted a younger sibling, so when he'd learned that day at the hospital that his papa was going to mary Meg and he'd get a new sibling that way he'd been happy about it. Although he did have one concern which he brought up to Erik later that night while his mother and "Aunt Meg" talked happily.  
"Papa? You love me don't you?"  
"Of course I do, son." Erik was surprised at the question.  
"And you love Mother?"  
"Yes, and I always will. Although I wouldn't tell your Aunt Meg that."  
"I know. It's just- you weren't able to be there for me before, and I just don't want to lose you now that a new baby is comming."  
Erik pulled his son into a hug.  
"Gustave I will always be here for you. You'll never lose me. The day I learned you were my son was the happiest of my life. I know you've been ignored and pushed aside by Raoul before, but I will never do that. If I were strong enough I'd make time itself somehow bend to get back those lost years with you. I will be there for the child Meg's carrying and give them the love that they deserve, but that doesn't take away from the love I feel for you."  
Gustave smiled and hugged Erik again.  
"Will you play with me, Papa?"  
Erik chuckled.  
"I'd love to."  
  
"You seem worried about something, Meg. Is it the baby? I'm sure the child will be healthy."  
"Well, that's part of it. I supose that goes with any pregnancy. But I was wondering something else. I was so jealous when you came here. I just hope you're not mad at me or jealous that Erik is my husband now."  
Christine gently laid her hand on her friend's shoulder.  
"Meg, Erik will always be dear to me. I will always love him. Ever since I was seven he was my angel, and he's the father of my child. But I told Erik when I first saw him again after comming here that for us there is no now. I'm a married woman, Meg. And I do love Raoul, no matter what he's done lately. There's no need for jealousy between us. We each have a husband we love, and soon both of us will be able to say we're mothers."  
Meg smiled. "With the baby being Erik's I'm looking forward to it."  
"But if the baby weren't Erik's," Christine said cautiously. "You'd still love them, wouldn't you?"  
Shrugging uneasily Meg answered. "I wouldn't want to have a daily reminder of what I did. As if I could ever forget. But it wouldn't be the child's fault. I know that now."  
Christine smiled. She had high hopes Meg would be a good mother when the time came.  
  
Later that night after Meg and Erik had turned in for the night, Raoul came back from his walk. Christine was relieved to notice there was no smell of alcohol about him. He sighed and kissed her tenderly as he hadn't in years.  
"Christine, there's something I've wondered for a long time now."  
"What's that, darling?"  
"Why do you love me? I've cost us everything we once had when I should have been on my knees thanking you and Gustave for being in my life every day. I've let my addiction change me into a completely different person. I can't give you what you deserve. I can't even give you music the way he can. I've only brought you sorrow."  
Christine kissed him.  
"Your love is still all I ask of you, Raoul."  
He kissed her back. "At least that's one thing I can still give. And I do love you, Christine." He looked into her eyes. "But you still love him, don't you?"  
She couldn't lie, but she could soften the blow.  
"And I love you Raoul. You're the man I married. Or at least you can be again."  
He stroked her face. "And I will be, Christine. I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

Phantasma was closed to the public for the season the night Christine had sang, but of course being the owner Erik could allow whoever he wanted into the park at any time. By now Gustave knew every inch of the park as well as Erik did, and had enjoyed everything that Phantasma had to offer many times. There was still one thing he wanted that he hadn't gotten yet though, and though it was early autumn now it was still warm enough to learn to swim.  
Everyone had gathered at the beach and were staying near Gustave as he learned to kick and use his arms to stay afloat and move around in the water.  
"Keep a rhythm son," Erik instructed. Being so gifted musically that helped, and luckily both of Gustave's parents were very graceful. It would take several more lessons before Gustave was a good swimmer, but by the end of the day Gustave was at least able to keep himself afloat if he had to.  
Feeling a little tired from all the swimming, the little group gathered on the smooth sand around a pile of driftwood they were going to use for a fire. Showing off a little, Erik magically lit the fire with a wave of his hand. Any self respecting magician could have done such a simple trick, but it was enough to impress Gustave. Erik had to chuckle at the way Gustave's mouth dropped.  
"Remind me sometime to teach you that. There are lots of magic tricks I can show you."  
Gustave waved his hand in a motion copying his father and looked slightly disapointed that nothing happened, although he'd known it wouldn't since he didn't know the trick.  
"Is it magic that makes the fire blue and purple too?"  
Erik wished he could claim he did that as well, but decided it would be best to be honest.  
"No, driftwood fires are always like that."  
The late afternoon continued into the evening and it struck Erik just how- normal this was. A man at the beach with his wife and child and a treasured friend. If he tried he could pretend that Raoul wasn't there. Naturaly Gustave did not ignore either set of his parents. Christine's lesson about looking at someone with the heart and not the eyes applied to seeing the vicomte as well, Erik thought with a sigh. Christine still saw the man Raoul had been just as she'd once seen the man behind the monster. Like Gustave and himself, Christine saw the beauty underneath.  
In the firelight Erik thought Meg looked exceptionally beautiful tonight, as beautiful as Christine in her own way. He felt disloyal as soon as he thought it, but couldn't help it. Had Christine married him such a thought would never have entered his mind he'd have been so happy just to have her. But he couldn't ignore that Meg was beginning to fill a different place in his heart.  
At first, although he enjoyed her company he'd found having her in his penthouse apartment annoying. He worked in his rooms at Phantasma, but did not live there. That was where he worked only. However he did still compose at home for his own enjoyment, and his apartment was strewn with pages and pages of sheet music as well as sketches and a bizare asortment of mechanical inventions, musical instraments and magical divices. It held a similar menagery to where he worked but was completely disorganized.  
Meg had set to work at once she'd moved in, putting everything in it's place. She'd also started making sure Erik ate and slept regularly. In the beginning he'd seen it as interfering but in short time he had to admit he felt better for it. Meg also made sure he actually slept in a bed. So many times before he'd fallen asleep leaning over the piano while working and woke with a nasty kink in his back- a reminder that he was no longer young. But now Meg would wake him and make sure he went to bed. And it was wonderful to wake up in the morning to her beside him.  
There were still times when he dreamt of Christine. How often hadn't he dreamt of her and woken holding nothing but the empty air? Now it was Meg he woke holding. He didn't dare tell her the truth. She looked so happy to be held.  
He watched her sprawled out comfortably on the sand now and couldn't help smiling. She yawned, mumbled something, and rolled over with her eyes closed. Erik could tell by her breathing that she was asleep.  
Gustave had been switching off between which place he spent the night at. This night was Christine and Raoul's turn and since it was getting late they decided it would be best to head home. Erik was going to shake Meg awake but decided to just let her sleep a bit yet. He sat watching the stars until the fire died and then gently woke his wife.  
"Mmm... What time is it, Erik?"  
"About half past midnight."  
She gasped and sat up quickly.  
"We have to get out of here!"  
"Why?"  
"Erik let's just get home fast. Please."  
She seemed so afraid even though they started to leave right away. Erik didn't understand what she was afraid of. They were alone at the moment, and did she really think he'd ever let anything hurt her? In fact he'd love a chance to teach those who had brought her shame in the past a lesson, and as they continued down the beach towards home he got his wish.  
'Well Miss Giry," a man most would call handsome came into view and approached. "I thought I might find you down here even if most of the other whores aren't out tonight. Taking this one under the pier for a quick and cheap one? I can wait."  
Erik clenched his fists.  
"You must have my wife confused with someone else. My wife is no whore." He was restraining himself for now.  
"Wife?" The other man laughed. "Why marry her when you can buy the ugly slut on the street corner or down at the pier for a dime? Still, she knows what a lady's for, don't she?"  
"Mr. Thompson, please," she pleaded, and her cheeks fluched in humiliation. Erik was quick to avenge her. In about half a second he'd grabbed Mr. Thompson by the throat, punched him hard enough that it was likely he'd given him a broken jaw, dropped him to the ground and kicked him sharply in the side, holding himself the other man gasped.  
"Standing up for the harlot? What are you really, her pimp? Trying to use some trick to get me to pay more? "  
"I told you I'm her husband and meg is not a harlot."  
"I know who you are now! You're that man who owns that freak show on Coney. Figures one freak would look out for the others."  
Now it was Meg who attacked him.  
"Erik is not a freak you-" she said something no lady would say as she dug her nails into his face. Mr. Thompson yellped and backed away.  
"Looks like the cat has claws. Fine. Stay with your freak." He hurried away and Meg fell to her knees.  
"He's right. I am a whore."  
Erik picked her up in his arms and held her.  
"No, you're not."  
"I'm so sorry. And today had been so perfect too."  
Erik chuckled.  
"For me it just got better. I've been wanting to take care of those so called me who used you. And I was impressed how you handled it in the end.'  
She wrapped her arms around him. "He shouldn't have called you a freak." She sighed. "If I had been pregnant before we married he'd likely be the father, unfortunately. He was my most regular- client."  
Erik's hands balled into fists.  
"Don't think of that. You have a different life now. come on. Let's go home."


	7. Chapter 7

Winter was a slow time. There was nothing much for a park owner to do with everything frozen over, so Erik and Meg spent many lazy nights reading, singing together, just relaxing and generally spending time in each other's company. Their flat was off the island itself, a bit inland so things weren't as cold as they'd have been right by the seaside. By now Raoul and Christine had moved out of the hotel they'd been staying at and had found a nice flat of their own. No doubt it was nothing on what Chagny Manor had been, but it was comfortable and furnished and decorated nicely was feeling guilty about the place because of course it had been paid for with a combination of the money Christine had earned from her performance and what Erik had given. He didn't want to rely on Christine or charity to support him. His heredity fortune that came with being the Vicomte de Chagny was long gone, and his title meant little especially here in America and now that he was basically a joke after the mistakes he'd made. There was only one solution.

"You're serious about this?" Erik asked with a smirk when Raoul came to see him.

"Yes. I want a job. I'm not asking for pay. What you've given us was more than what we needed for now. So what I'm asking is a chance to earn what you gave." It would have been easy to laugh in his face, but somehow Erik couldn't help being just slightly impresed. It took alot for someone born into the nobility to swallow his pride (not that Raoul had much pride left). And for a nobelman to ask- nearly beg- for a job took that to another level. It must have been humiliating, but in a strange way it gave him a little self respect back as well.

"Concider it an advance on Christine's pay if you wish." Raoul shook his head.

"No, I shouldn't be living off her. I'm the one who ran us into debt. I'm the one who nearly ruined us when Christine should have been living the life of an aristocrat. This is my responsibility."

"Is there anything you can actually do?" Raoul shrugged.

"Honestly I've never tried working before. Until now I never had to. But I'm willing to try." Erik though a moment. Phantasma had run smoothly in it's opening season and there really was no need to have anyone else. The delightful idea of having Raoul make a fool of himself in a performance of some kind occured to him, and he had a mental image of people laughing at Raoul while he was in clown makeup. He decided against it though, knowing Christine would hate it.

"I'll give it some thought. If there's nothing I can find for you here then I'll see what jobs there are nearby ad you can pay me back out of what you earn there. At least half of what I gave you I concider Christine's fee for singing though, so I won't accept more than that back."

"Fair enough," Raoul agreed, although he wished he had never needed to take a dime from Erik. "Also since we will be staying in America anway I was thinking of leasing out Chany manor to the nobels traveling through the area, so that will help." In spite of his debts he'd managed to keep from selling the estate. He hadn't wanted renters there around Christine and Gustave asking questions or making remarks about Christine's lack of nobel blood the way many aristocrats did, but with Christine and Gustave in America there was no reason not to lease it anymore. Erik nodded in agreement. The money didn't matter to him, but if it made things easier on Christine by Raoul not feeling he owed him, then he would accept it for now and find some way to make sure Christine and Gustave benefitted from it regardless. Quietly he continued carving at the wooden pole in his hand, and with it being so elaborate it took Raoul a moment to recognize it for what it was until he noticed other poles exactly like it laying beside a headboard."You're carving bars for a crib for the new baby?'

"No child of mine is going to sleep in anything that looks so much like a cage," Erik commented bitterly, not at Raoul but at the past. No one would ever say this crib looked like a cage. Each bar was carved into seashells of almost endless variety, coral, starfish, and seahorses. On the boards that would form the base on the crib the bars would fit into, Erik had carved a scene of dolphine playing. It was obviously inspired by Meg's love of the sea and the happy times the family had spent at the beach. On the top of each bedpole though, the seaside theme was changed. There was a group of roses, and standing above each was an angel, Each with an expression of gentle love. Raoul was sure they'd be facing the child when the crib was assembled. He noticed one was playing the violin. "The angel of music will be watching over the child," Erik said, noticing Raoul looking at the figure. "And he will always watch over Christine and Gustave as well," he added. Raoul took the hint. Erik would not allow him another chance.

"That's another thing I owe you f or," Raoul said. "Comming so close to losing Christine, realizing that I'd actually been willing to take a chance on losing her in a bet- Once I realized what I'd done I can't even describe how horrified I was. It was enough to sober me up."

"At least that much good came out of everything," Erik said, then sighed. "Christine gets the man she married back, you end up back in Christine's good graces, and I ended up married to a woman I did not love. Quite the way to end Phantasma's opening year." Raoul had caught a slip in what Erik said though.

"You said DID not love," he pointed out. "Do you love Meg now?" Erik looked like he'd like to hit him for his insolence, but had to admit it was a question that he needed to ask himself. After concideration he answered both himself and Raoul.

"I care about her well being. I enjoy having her near. I've gotten so accustomed to her being in my daily life now that I can't imagine spending a day without her. But I honestly don't know if I can say I love her." And yet- yet how good it had felt to get some small revenge against that Mr. Thompson. Had it been merely wanting justice for Meg? Or had he been jealous? "I know that even though I can't understand why, I love the child she's carrying already. But don't think for a moment that I will ever stop loving Christine."

"I know you won't." Raoul answered. "Neither will I. And I will try to prove that to her again. Things have gone well for us since the night she sang, but I know it will take time to earn her trust again." He sighed. "Well, thank you again." He left, and Erik pondered what he'd asked about Meg. Maybe- was it possible that he did actually love her? If he did he coudn't pinpoint just when he'd fallen in love with her. She was as much a part of his life now as his piano. His flat felt empty without her. Even when he played music with her not there it just felt like his heart wasn't in it. Gustave was at school for the day and Christine and Raoul had planned the day together once Raoul left Erik's flat, and Meg had gone to visit her mother, trying to repair the shattered bond between them. She'd asked that Erik stay home since she was afraid of what he might do to his mother in law. So he was by himself.

Erik looked at the clock and realized it was an hour past when she said she expected to be back. Inconsiderate of her to be gone so long. He decided he'd busy himself finishing the crib. All that was left to do was sand it down and Meg still hadn't come home.

"Inconsiderate woman," Erik grumbled. "To be late like that." As it grew later and later, horrible images filled Erik's mind of Meg in various types of danger. Any number of things could happen to a woman alone here. Why hadn't he insisted he go along? He bolted to the door ready to rush out after her only to see her comming in as soon as he'd opened it. "Where were you?" Erik asked, sounding like a parent scolding a child who'd stayed out too late.

"The carraige broke down on the way back. Everything's fine but I had to get someone to help me take it to be repaired and then walk most of the way back." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Erik what's wrong?"He smiled.

"I was just worried about you and the baby." She kissed him.

"The baby and I are both fine."

"Your cheeks look red. It must be cold out." he quickly wrapped a blanket around her and got her a mug of hot chocolate. Meg still couldn't get enough of anything chocolatey. He sat beside her on the sofa facing the fireplace and she smiled at him.

"You're acting like I'm going to catch pneumonia. It's not that cold out and I'm starting to warm up." He wrapped an arm around her and realized somehow something had changed. When she'd nearly drowned he'd been worried for her the way anyone would be worried for someone they knew in such an instance. But this- it was similar to what he'd feel if Christine were in danger. A feeling that- that part of himself would be gone if anything ever happened to her.

"Meg?"

"Hmm?" she murmered, sounding tired.

"I love you." He almost regretted saying it, thinking he should have sorted out his feelings for Christine first, but there was nothing really to sort out. He would never stop loving her and they could never marry. Their relationship could never advance from what it was. But even though he had no idea how he'd come to love Meg the fact was that he did, and now that it had been said there was no denying it to himself wife smiled at him.

"And I love you more," she teased. He grinned and kissed her, for the first time not wishing it were Christine he were kissing.

(AN: Next chapter will have the big moment everyone's waiting for, when Meg learns the truth about the baby.)


	8. Chapter 8

Now that Erik knew he loved Meg, his life was so much happier than he'd ever expected. Meg loved him for himself, would stand beside him no matter what he looked like. Hadn't that been what he'd been longing for all along? Everything he'd always wanted, and if he'd only opened his eyes he could have had it sooner, with so much less pain for everyone.  
Even if there had been no change in heart as far as his love for Christine, there had been a change in him. He no longer wanted to chase a dream that could never be when his new dream was right there beside him. Christine was happy and taken care of and it was happiness enough for him to know that, and with accepting that he felt truly free as he never had before. Loving Christine had always been like a storm he'd tried to weather, knowing it could only end in pain for everyone involved. Hard as lightning. With Meg, it was a warming glow, soft as candelight. He didn't have to fight for what could never be anylonger.  
He often found himself composing songs for or about Meg now. He was especially pleased with one of them, inspired by her.  
No one would listen,  
No one but her heard as the outcast hears.  
Shamed into solitude,  
shunned by the mulitude,  
I learned to listen.  
In my dark, my heart heard music.  
I longed to teach the world,  
Rise up and reach the world.  
No one would listen.  
I alone could hear the music.  
Then at last a voice in the gloom  
seemed to cry, I hear you.  
I hear your fears,  
your torment and your tears.  
She saw my loneliness.  
Shared in my emptyness.  
No one would listen.  
No one but her heard as the outcast hears.  
When it was finished, he smiled. It was true. Meg had shared in his emptyness all along. Starved with him, worked with him, gone through the hell of those early years in America with him when he'd had to humiliate himself, putting up with people mocking his face, sometime throwing things at him. He'd never really noticed at the time, but looking back he remembered her looking tearfully at him while he was on display, showing sympathy and empathy as her mother had years before. And she'd done what she could to help him build a better future where he was respected, no longer just a side show freak in the eyes of the world. All he had now was thanks to her, and he felt himself melt when he saw her walk in, smiling.  
"That was beautiful, Erik." She smiled. He went over to her and kissed her.  
"It was for you Meg."  
She wrapped her arms around him, and as he held her closer he felt the baby move within her.  
"Not many more months until our little one arrives." He smiled happily at the thought.  
"You may not be so happy about it when you're changing diapers in May," she teased. Erik frowned though. It was time to tell her the truth. He wanted her to know everything, including that he loved her now and wasn't just acting the part.  
"March, darling."  
She looked at him confused.  
"Erik it takes nine months to have a baby. You know that. So unless I'm counting wrong-"  
"You're not counting wrong, Meg. You're just not starting back far enough."  
It took only a second for her to realize what that had to mean. Anger and betrayal were in every line on her face.  
"You just had to be nobel and self sacrificing didn't you? You couldn't have just left me alone? Why did you do it? You don't love me! That was all a lie."  
"In the beginning,' he admited. "But I still cared even if I didn't love you yet then. And I've come to love you."  
"No more lies." She said tearfully. "Why would you love me now when you never even saw me before?"  
"I cared before, Meg. Even if it wasn't the way you wanted me to. And when I married you and you became part of my life- Meg everything changed after that. I don't know when or how but it did."  
The words he had composed rang true. Who knows where love begins? Who knows what makes it start? His love for Meg had simply been there inside his heart one day and that was all there was to it.  
"Has it? or is that just more of your lying and manipulation?" She began to cry. Erik was holding her in a minuet, trying to comfort her, but instead she tried to move away from him. "No. No I don't want pity. I don't want to live a lie." She shook, choking on her own tears. "I was so happy these past few months. And then I find out you don't love me and the baby I'm carrying isn't yours."  
"So the vicomte has the honor of calling my son his when he ignored him for so long and I'm not allowed to call a child I already love and will always be there for mine?" Erik asked, his voice a mixture of rage, hurt, and disbelief. "I know I wasn't there for Gustave before, but I would have been if I'd have known. And I'll be there for this child too."  
"Why?" She asked. "You have no obligation to them or to me. You could send me away tommorow and you'd be nothing out."  
"Except two members of my family. Meg please believe me I do love you and this child."  
She shook her head. "You love Christine. It will always be her."  
"I can't change that," he said sadly. "I can't just stop loving her. But I do love you. You're my wife and the woman I'm going to spend he rest of my life with. You're not her, but there is still such beauty in you as well. We can't all be like Christine."  
As soon as the words left his mouth he realized he'd made a terrible mistake. She sank to her knees in grief and he grabbed her in his arms, kneeling by her.  
"Oh Meg I'm sorry. That wasn't how I meant it. I just spent so long without having to worry about how others would take what I said. Sometimes i still don't think about what I say. I meant you don't have to be Christine to have my love or to be beautiful." He pulled away a moment and grabbed his violin, using music to help her understand. He played part of a song before leading Meg to take a seat beside him at the piano and replaying the same melody. She was too entranced in the music to argue.  
"Which did you prefer?"  
Meg looked confused. "It was beautiful both times."  
Erik smiled. "So you see? The violin and piano are different, but each is beautiful. That's true of you and Christine as well, and I promise that's all I meant. in no way do i think of you as less than her. She's happy again, and since I fell in love with you I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't want to go back to the way things were Meg. If Raoul were gone and Christine free to marry again, I still wouldn't want to give you up. I love you."  
"And her," Meg added.  
"And she loves both Raoul and I. She proved she loves me, and when she went to bring him back she proved she loves him. And she wouldn't change things anymore than I would." He cupped Meg's face in his hands and looked into her eyes. "How can I prove to you that I love you?"  
Meg sighed and answered. "I don't know. You married me, you saved me from being shamed worse than I am, and you're willing to raise my baby-"  
"OUR baby," Erik corrected gently but firmly. Meg ignored him.  
"But you said yourself in the beginning you didn't love me. I just- I want to believe you. But how can I?"  
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close. "I don't know, bu I intend to spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you and this baby, and whatever other children may come." He kissed her, and between his voice and the kiss Meg found herself unable to resist any longer.

_**AN**: my friend has asked that I also give credit to AceofGalifrey for the video she made on youtube that inspired the use of the song. Hope you enjoyed readin, I know I did when she sent me it :)_


	9. Chapter 9

Erik finally decided against selling Phantasma. It had been his home for ten years now. And he had worked hard to shape it to what it was. It was where he'd been reunited with Christine, and where he'd met his son, not to mention where he'd fallen in love with Meg. Gustave loved every inch of the park, and Erik had a feeling his soon to be born son or daughter would as well. The place no longer reminded him of his tormented childhood, and it seemed silly now to even think of it that way. Here the "freaks" were treated with dignity, not kept in cages. It was a place of fun and magic, not horror.  
He was looking at the park, and the world, differently now, all thanks to Meg. Had she not been there, he wondered what the past months would have held. Likely he would have kept grieving for what might have been, although of course he had Gustave now. He'd never dreamt he could love anyone so much. Would his bitterness over a past that could not be changed have driven a wedge between them? He liked to think not, but he couldn't be sure .He was glad he'd never have to know.

So often his music had been the best means to express his feelings, and now as he sat at his piano he played out a feeling he'd never thought he could feel before, contentment. Softly he composed as he thought, and began singing.  
"There's been a change in me, a kind of moving on.  
Though what she taught to me, I still depend upon.  
For now I realize that good can come from bad.  
That may not make me wise, but oh it makes me glad.  
And I- never thought I'd leave behind  
my former dreams but I don't mind.  
For now I love the world I see.  
No change of heart, a change in me  
for in my dark despair I slowly understood.  
My perfect world with her had disappeared for good.  
But in its place I feel a truer life begin  
and it's so good and real it must come from within.  
And I- never thought I'd leave behind  
My former dreams but I don't mind  
I'm where and who I want to be .  
No change of heart, a change in me."  
That summed up his life now perfectly, he thought. Any dreams of Christine were gone, though he would always love her and if she ever needed anything he'd make sure she had it. It was her who had taught him what love was. Yet he was completely over wishing his life was different now. There had been so much pain in it, but if he'd have known it would lead to what he had now he'd do it all over again.

Only two things kept his life from being perfect. One was that he still wasn't sure Meg knew how much he loved her. Ever since she'd found out why he'd married her, something had changed in her eyes. The joy she'd once felt just wasn't there anymore. Whenever he told her he loved her she'd smile and assure him she loved him as well, but there was a shadow of doubt on her face. He did all he could to be a loving, attentive husband. There was nothing she could have wanted that Erik hadn't bought for her, and he never missed a chance to kiss her or hold her close. He composed new songs specifically for her. No matter what though, he knew Meg wasn't entirely sure if he was sincere or not. The only thing he could do was hope time would let him prove himself.  
His other problem was that he'd promised to either hire Raoul or find him a job elsewhere so the viscount could repay him. What work was there for a man who was trained in nothing? No doubt his education had been a fine one, but nothing that was of any practical use. Besides, not many were likely to hire the disgraced nobleman. Those who would were almost sure to mock him for his downfall.

It was looking more and more like Erik's only option was to hire him himself, but to do what? Raoul might be able to do something on stage, but it would humiliate him. People would be coming to gawk at him because he was a viscount than to see he show itself. He'd be miserable and that meant Christine would be too. There wasn't really any other job he could do that wasn't already being done by someone else except possibly helping with general maintenance.

Mr. Squelch, being the strongest man around, was normally in charge of maintenance as well, so Erik went to him about keeping an eye on Raoul. He was less than thrilled about the whole idea.  
"His lordship didn't take too kindly to us when we brought him here that day." He'd taken to calling Raoul that in private. "I don't mind for myself, but I don't want my little girl's feelings hurt by him."  
Erik had become more on friendship terms with Mr. Squelch, Miss Fleck, and Dr. Gangle over the past few months, and had learned that Mr. Squelch was just a stage name, that the strongman's real name was Alf Fleck and he was actually Miss Fleck's father.  
"He'll be respectful. He works for me now so I'll make sure of it."  
To Erik's surprise Mr. Squelch gave him a harsh look and said "No disrespect meant sir, but you weren't always as friendly with us as you might have been yourself. Oh I know you never ill-treated us, and working for you is far and away better than working in those traveling sideshows. You never put us down for being different and always treated us fairly. But still, you used to act like the world owed you something and every person alive was lower than you somehow. I can understand. I know that mask you wear must be hiding something. I can only guess that your childhood wasn't so different from the rest of ours like Gag's and mine. But that doesn't give you the right to go ordering everyone around and be so cold with everyone. You might have treated us like equals before at least."  
Not so long ago Erik would have killed anyone who talked to him like that, but now he could see Mr. Squelch was right.  
"I can't deny that, and I am sorry. You and the others weren't the ones who treated me like dirt. You deserved better."  
Squelch smiled. "Apology accepted sir. Just- if you ever go getting the big head with us again, remember that you may be our boss, but you started out the same way we did."  
"I will Mr. Squelch."  
He smiled. "You can call me Alf if you like."  
He held out his hand and Erik took it. "And you can call me Erik."

So Raoul started his new job. Everyone was convinced he'd be useless at best, but it was clear by the end of the day that he was good with his hands. Erik had recommended that they start with Raoul helping build a new train Gustave had designed that would circle the park, bringing visitors to different attractions. If anything went wrong the worst that could happen was the ride wouldn't be ready on time. Soon they were ahead of schedule  
"You know sir," Alf told Erik after seeing what Raoul could do. "As much as I'd like to have him continue to work with us, he'd earn better at the shipping yards. I think he'd enjoy the work more too."

Erik had intended to pay Raoul highly to be done with him sooner. Only he, Christine, and the viscount knew that Raoul's wages would actually be subtracted from his debt. But it wouldn't be fair to the others to pay Raoul more than his work was worth, no matter how good it was. And Raoul hated the park as much as Gustave loved it.  
"If I remember right he spent time in the navy," Erik remembered aloud. "He probably would prefer working with ships."

It took calling in a few favours, but by evening of the day Alf had suggested the idea, Raoul had a job in the New York ship yard. Erik invited them to his home to tell them, and both Raoul and Christine were overjoyed to hear the news, Christine actually throwing her arms around Erik and kissing his cheek.  
"Oh Erik thank you. You've made him so happy."  
Raoul wasn't the only tense person watching the two embrace. No one noticed Meg when she came in the room, and no one saw her run out the door.


End file.
